I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
