Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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