i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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