Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
