Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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