I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
