Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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