I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize