Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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