i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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