Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
