he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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