I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
only if we run a train.
done.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
