Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
