just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
