I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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