That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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