Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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