Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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