break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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