also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
