She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
