Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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