im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
