I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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