if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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