Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
