Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
