Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
