Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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