What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
