Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
