Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
