I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
