PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
