So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Terrible idea I love it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
