I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
