Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
