So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
