I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize