Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize