32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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