TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
