highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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