It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
