I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
