so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
