Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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