stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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