Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
