my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
