If that was your dad, he is hot
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
