she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
