Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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