I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
