K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
