We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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