Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
