Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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