I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh god the rape fog is back!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
