Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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