yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
