Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
why is half of my head shaved?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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