I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
