i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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