Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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