I want to make a zoo with you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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