I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you had me at cake vodka
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
