Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
