oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
