Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We got so high we made milksteak
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
