Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A bitchslap is in order.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
