Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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