I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
