I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
