I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
