I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
