My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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