That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
