he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
