I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
