So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
