Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
