I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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