You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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