We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
