There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
