sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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