So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
