Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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