I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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