she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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